Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
