Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I could make wine with my vomit
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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