get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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