he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Boobs speak an international language.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
