Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
