Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
