alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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