I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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