I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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