I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
