I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
