My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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