maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I look better un-naked...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
