it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
