Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
