When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
