Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Please don't give away my fajitas
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
