i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
third nipple confirmed
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
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