why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
