No stitches, just platelets and will power
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
