Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
