we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
