We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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