I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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