The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
