as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
