I'm jealous of your bromance
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
