Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
