I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
