I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
