I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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