girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
