I want to walk on stilts...naked
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
