its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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