She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she smelled like a LAN party
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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