Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My bed is full of blood and feathers
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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