i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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