I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
