stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
