I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
