so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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