hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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