So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
