Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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