wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
