dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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