first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize