The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize