Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize