how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
