So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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