She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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