Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
