So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
