Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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