Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
