DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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