i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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