a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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