Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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